Weekend Stats – Plus Monday Edition x 2 = ????
November 25, 2008
Last Time I Washed My Hair: I don’t remember.
Approximate Amount of Accumulate Hairspray in Hair, in Grams: ….72? How much is a gram?
Bruises: 4
Cause of Bruises: 2 bruises due to exuberant dancing, 1 bruise due to walking into bed, 1 bruise due to Moo using me as a jungle gym
Things Left Behind: Old Bianca’s character shoes. I’m guessing she won’t be coming back for those.
Guilt Level Over Dissing Old Bianca On Blog: ….about a 7.5
State of the House: In mad disarray, but cheerfully so, with Christmas boxes and jingle bells strewn aboot.
Moo’s Current Obsession: Robots (Herbie is thrilled!)
According to Moo, What Do You Call that Heavenly Creature with Wings and a Halo?: Angel Robot
What’s the Best Cure-All for Sore Muscles and Theatre Exhaustion?: At night, Haagen-Dazs and a foot rub from Herbie. In the morning, Bailey’s and mini powdered donuts.
Older Gentleman in Front Row at Sunday Matinee: VERY alarmed at how much I kept sipping on my flask during the show. It’s just water, sir! Well, for now…heh heh heh.
Weekend Stats – Plus Monday
November 18, 2008
Roses Received: 46
Dishes Cleaned: You’d have to ask Herbie
How’s Moo Doing?: Screaming in bed with a cold
Oh Crap!: I know.
Blisters: 3
Bandaids: 7
Bruises: 4
Kind Strangers Who Complimented Me After the Show: 3
So How Did That Whole ‘Finding-the-Note’ Thing Go? Ehhhh. Not so good.
More Ice Cream? Yes, please.
Books Read By Clara (4 years) to Moo (19 months): “Corduroy,” “Barney’s Colorful World,” “Peekaboo Bunny”
Moo’s Response: “Again! Again!”
Mama, What Are You Doing Instead of Finishing Up this Blog Post and Going to Bed?: If you MUST know, I’m looking up current audition notices. I think I’ve got the bug.
Wednesday Dress Rehearsal Stats
November 13, 2008
Costume Changes: 7
Lipstick Shade: Red velvet
Do I Have Lipstick On My Teeth?: Yes, you do.
Number of Times I Dropped My Flask On Stage: 2
Number of Times I Adlibbed a Line: 2
Sneaking Suspicion That I Will Be Adlibbing a Line Almost Every Night?: Mm-hmm.
Glorious Costco Bounty Provided by Gina: Red Vines, Rice Krispie treats, animal crackers, BBQ chips, dried fruit, granola bars, Oreos!
Did The Object of my Anger Leave Early Again? Yes. GRRR! But not by much.
Hey, Is Your Hat Supposed To Look Like That?: No, it is falling off my head.
Number of Scene-Change/Prop Screw-Ups: Approximately 9
Motivational Sign Posted by Director: “Be Smarter! Be Faster! Be Funier!”
“Too Darn Hot”: Mildly warm but getting warmer
Speed At Which I Must Run From Stage Right to Stage Left in Time to Make It On Stage For My Bow: 72 mph
Hallway Floor Upon Which I Must Run: Oil-slicked, clearly a dastardly plan by Wile E. Coyote.
Rehearsals Left Before Opening Night: I don’t want to think about it. (Okay, one. AHHHHHH!)
Weekend Stats
November 10, 2008
Useful Skill I Taught Moo This Weekend: How to walk like a showgirl
Number of Seconds it Takes for Moo to Recognize “Too Darn Hot”: 4 (I guess we’ve been listening to that song a lot)
Things Moo Said She Was Looking Forward to at the Park: “Slide! Swing! Boys!!!”
Number of Hours Napped by Moo this Weekend: 3.5
Number of Hours Napped by Mama this Weekend: 4
Number of Hours Herbie Spent at Traffic School: 5.5
Interesting Traffic School Tidbit: In Arizona, a mother who is sitting in the back of a pickup truck, holding her baby and drinking from an open container is NOT, in fact, breaking any laws. Although she is definitely a terrible person.
Another Fascinating Tidbit, According to Tracy Jordan: It is still illegal to be black in Arizona.
Number of Times I Told Herbie I Visit Embarassing Celebrity Gossip Websites Per Day: 2
Actual Number of Times I Visit: Approximately 8
Leftover Halloween Candy: One stupid Almond Joy
Herbie’s Take on Almond Joy: “How come we don’t buy Almond Joy’s? These are so delicious.”
Number of Days Until the Opening Night of Kiss Me Kate: 4 (Yay!)
Number of Days Until I’ll Be Home at Night to Put Moo to Bed: 7 (Boo-hoo.)
Weekend Stats – Herbie’s Birthday Edition
October 20, 2008
Herbie’s Birthday Dinner: Turkey burgers, sweet potato fries, guacamole dip, cherry pie
Balloons at Herbie’s Birthday Dinner: 17
Herbie’s Birthday Presents: Motorcyle Transformer Dude, “Warming Massage Oils,” Pinot Noir, Tivo, Sleeping In
Karaoke Songs Sung at The Grapevine: 6
Herbie’s Best Karaoke Song: “It Had to be You”
Rose’s Best Karaoke Song: “Cabaret”
Duets Sung: “Blaze of Glory” (meh), “She Blinded Me With Science” (SCIENCE!!!!!!)
Time “The Grapevine” Crowd Morphs Into Douchebags and Cougars – 10:30 p.m.
Friends: Pretty awesome for listening to us indulge our inner divas
Having a Night Out on the Town While Moo Spent the Night at Nana and Grandpa’s House: So wonderful, until 1 a.m. when we desperately wanted to take her home.
Best Moo Moment, Birthday Edition: “Happy Birthday Daddeeeee, Happy Birthday Oooooo”
Yay presents!
Woooo, Herbie’s 35!
Herbie IS a devil on the run. YEAH!!
Weekend Stats: Anniversary Getaway Edition
October 13, 2008
Number of Baths: Only 2! (Herbie was shooting for 11)
Approximate Height of Bubbles in Bath #1: 24 inches
Herbie’s Approximation of Bubble Height: 6 or 7 feet
Time my Mommy Alarm Woke Me Up in the Morning: 7:40 a.m.
Time We Actually Got Out of Bed: 10:09 (yay!)
Time it Took to Say Goodbye to King-Sized Tempurpedic Bed: about 10 minutes each
Stolen Roses Received from Garden-Trespassing Herbie: 1, lovely, red
Bottles of Wine Consumed: 1.5
Cocktails Consumed: 5 (7, if you count the Bailey’s in our coffee this morning)
Reaction Upon Finding a Raging Dance Party Going On at the Mild-Mannered Orange Tree Resort’s Hotel Bar: Stunned silence
Length of Time Before we Realized it was Kinda Cool and Joined the Throng: 1 hour, 10 minutes
Song We Shook Our Asses To: “Sexyback”
Number of Minutes into “Sexyback” Before I Realized I am Out of Shape/Getting Old: 1:30
Song We Slow-Danced To in Our Room: “Harvest Moon” (by Neil Young – our wedding song)
Number of Times I Kissed Moo Before Leaving Her at Oma and Opa’s House for Her First Overnight: 179
Reaction of Heart Upon Seeing Moo the Next Day: Bursting into rainbows and hearts and flowers and shooting stars (apparently, my heart turned into Lucky Charms cereal. She’s just that cute.)
Weekend Stats
October 6, 2008
Herbie’s Response to Why He Was Bouncing a Ball Off the Ceiling: “So I can be amazing!”
Bottles of Wine Purchased at Fresh & Easy: 3 (F&E just opened nearby)
Cost of Three Bottles of Wine at Fresh & Easy: $12.99
What “Fresh & Easy” Should Really be the Name of (According to Herbie): Laundry detergent
Total Hours Napped by Moo: 1 hour, 25 minutes (over TWO days – ugh!)
Number of Pumpkins Currently in Residence at our House: 33
Number of “Ghosties:” 3
Songs that Moo Can Sing: 3 (Four if you count the Tuna Song – “Tuna, tuna, I love tuna, tuna, tuna – it sends me to the moon-a!”
Songs Moo Has Made Up: 1 (it goes something like, “Pumpkin, oobadeebadah YAY! Mommy, oobadeebadah YAY!)
Responses to my Email Asking if I Can be in the Big Dance Number: Big ol’ zero
Google Searches
October 5, 2008
There’s a nifty little “stats” page on my blog that lets me see how many people are visiting, which posts they like, and, most interestingly, Google searches.
So I just have to share some of the Google searches that have led people to my blog:
“starship troopers warrior bug toys”
“stripper songs”
“songs about wanting to have sex”
“dirty mother in law”
“bad wife photos”
“beef stroganoff”
“laaaa”
“how do you say ooh la la in french”
“mama why is my name rose”
And my favorite…
“Clean my dirty asshole”
WHAAAAT? Why does that search link to my blog? I have not discussed dirty anuses, neither baby nor adult. I do not like to think of dirty anuses (anusi?). Even that Charmin commercial with the bear who’s always joyfully pooping behind a tree grosses me out. I have to check this out and see if my blog really does show up…
Oh God, do NOT attempt that yourselves. There I am, page 3 – all because I named a post “Dirty Secret” and then used the word “assholes” to describe the, um, assholes that broke into our house.
And now, of course, I’ve made it worse by writing about it, my words forever branding me as a poop-lover in Googledom. Well – welcome poop and pee fetishists! I hope you enjoy my blog. Tell all your, er, friends! (But please wash your hands first.)
How embarassing to think of someone reading the Google searches I’ve done over the years. Stuff like, “Why is my baby’s poop green?” “I’m pregnant, now what?” “baby projectile vomit,” and, just today, “stinky cheese smell washing machine.”
Jeesh!
But seriously, anyone else ever have a stinky cheese smell problem in their laundry room?
Weekend Stats
September 29, 2008
Rattlesnakes Avoided: 1 (Look out, Herbie!)
Spanish Words Learned by Moo: 1 – “Ovejita” (little lamb) Thanks, Sesame Street.
Peas That Went Into Moo’s Mouth: 7
Peas Spit Out: 2
Peas Found Later Smushed on Computer Keyboard: 3
Approximate Number of Halloween Pumpkins in Target: 537
Cost of Stolen Nailpolish: $5.25
Herbie’s Opinion on Sex and The City Movie’s Sex Scenes: “Too well-lit” (I agree. Who has sex in bright light? NOBODY. And if you do, I find you extremely annoying.)
Mama Rose 
