Lookalike?

January 28, 2012

Four people in the last month have proclaimed that I look just like Jane Fonda.  Three of those people prefaced their comment with, “I’m sure you hear this ALL the time, but…”  The other person whispered it loudly in the middle of the show.  For the record, I do NOT hear that all the time, and as long as it’s the young Jane Fonda we’re talking about, I’m quite thrilled.

I think it’s an improvement over Ally Sheedy, who people used to tell me I look like:

No offense Ally Sheedy, but you’re kind of morose.

…And that one drunk guy I waited on who told me I look like Monica Lewinsky.

I would assume that the Fonda comparisons are because of my shiny leotard and teased-to-the-clouds coif in the show, but the first man who declared me Fonda-esque said it to me before I’d adopted my “Cassie” look.

So I think I’ll stick with the hair-teasing thing, buy some legwarmers, and maybe look into becoming a global exercise maven-slash-Oscar winner.

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I love Spring in Phoenix!

*Actually we paid someone to clean it up.  So worth it.

On My Mind

January 27, 2011

I took the helmet off at 2 a.m. last night.  I swear it’s already worked and his ears are nice and aligned now.  I really think he’ll only need to have it one more week.  My family kind of laughs it off when I say this, but I’M SERIOUS.

***

I wish I was one of those people who could recall meaningful literary quotes (or hell, even movie lines), and drop them into conversation at JUST the right time.

***

I am suddenly reminded that while writing is good and fine, the only way I can really express myself is through dancing, and Oh, how I long for a big empty room, and the catharsis that follows the leaping.

***

Tonight at dinner, Moo introduced a new song called “Brown and Stinky,” about… yes.  Which made us realize that we should really write a children’s musical about learning to go on on the potty.  Besides “Brown and Stinky,” there would be “Plink, Plonk!” “Stop Talking and Put On Your Pants,” “Don’t Hold It,” (with the chorus: “Pee and poopy don’t stay in your body, pee and poopy go in the potty!” and of course, an epic number called “The Pee Dance.”  I thought the show should simply be called, “Flush!” but Moo insisted that “Lots of People Always Have to Go Pee and Poop and So You Should Go” was a better choice.  And since she wants to be a directorator when she grows up (director dictator?), she probably knows best.

***

I wish I was 7 years old again, and felt comfortable twirling down the grocery store aisle when a good song comes on over the speakers.  (Although if Moo started twirling, I’d feel just fine following suit.)

***

I’m starting to think about my birthday, which makes me think about Jude’s birthday.  She was born eight days after me, and we usually celebrated together.    How can we remember her or honor her on her birthday this year?

***

Amidst all my helmet angst, I am very aware that My God I am lucky, thank you God, and please God, keep my family healthy?

***

And also, God, since we’re chatting – thank you for Rosalind.  I couldn’t possibly live without her.

Attached

July 5, 2010

What do you do with the dried-up umbilical cord once it’s fallen off the baby and left a cute little belly button behind?  Right now it’s wrapped up in a paper towel, sitting on the spice rack.  Herbie took a picture of it to commemorate its vital role in bringing Juicy to life.

It just seems wrong to throw it away.

Perhaps a little fresh pepper and umbilical cord on your pasta, sir?

Well-Wishers

May 14, 2010

I’m thinking about ceasing social niceties.  I think I get some leeway here in the last-ish month, and so when, for instance, the lady at Target says:

“Wow, you look like you were due yesterday!”

Instead of the response I made:  “Hahahahaha, it sure feels that way!”

I think I might just say, “Actually, no, I’m not due for another six weeks.”  And then I’ll revel in her awkwardness, and perhaps next time she’ll think before opening her flap. 

And when all the nurses at the dentist’s office rub my belly like I’m a freaking buddha statue, instead of gritting my teeth and suffering through it, I will say, “Please stop touching my body, right now.”

And when one of those nurses then looks at me and says, “So have you not been able to get your hair done, like this whole time?!”  Instead of running my hands nervously through my less-than-stellar hair and saying, “Hahahaha nooo, some people say you shouldn’t get your hair colored at all, but I’m just overdue for an appointment hahahaha,” I’ll just say, “Are you trying to tell me my hair looks terrible?”  And then I’ll stand there and stare at her as she mumbles awkwardly and slinks out the door.

I think I’ll really try this out today, if I can somehow manage it without teaching Moo bad manners.

I am just so sick of protecting thoughtless people’s feelings.  With the way I’m feeling lately, I’ve got plenty of awkwardness to spare – I think I’ll spread some of it around.

Craving

May 5, 2010

Rice Krispie treats, a la Mama and Moo:

Our baking philosophy:  Never overlook an opportunity to add sprinkles (and giant glops of chocolate).

Auf Wiedersehen, Heidi Klum

February 18, 2010

Speaking of Heidi Klum, I just learned she’s come out with a maternity line for A Pea in the Pod.  Let’s take a look-see at what she’s come up with…

For the pregnant flamenco dancer!  (I love how they couldn’t quite be bothered to iron the entire dress.)

If you have a needle and thread and a hospital gown, I’m pretty sure you could make this yourself for much less than $88.00.

For the pregnant dominatrix who really needs to keep the money coming in:

Now this is something that might actually tempt me to try it on, because I am a sucker for leopard print.  And then I’ll wrestle it on in the dressing room, look in the mirror and remember that I am not a size zero Heidi Klum lookalike model wearing a fake pregnant belly.

And if I did buy that $78 leopard-print t-shirt, what would I wear it with?  Leggings?  I haven’t done the whole legging thing yet, I still have too many leftover legging nightmares from 7th grade (“Is my Esprit knockoff sweater too short?  Are my leggings sagging??  Can everybody see my crotch?!!”).  Hey, I know!  Maybe I could wear a unitard!

Ah yes, that will be perfect.  And I’m sure it will be NO HASSLE AT ALL when I have to go to the bathroom 12 times per day.  Plus, so flattering!  My favorite part is the back view:

I guess I’m the only pregnant woman who gains weight anywhere besides around the baby?  No one else has that baby weight creep around to the backside and asswards?

Nice try, Klum.