Stinging Sensation

November 24, 2010

I dreamed about scorpions all night last night.

I’m a Phoenix native, and I’ve never seen a scorpion.  I know – crazy!  But I didn’t know it was crazy – I mean, scorpions are supposed to live in the desert, not in the backyard.  However, recently I’ve been hearing lots of stories about people’s close encounters of the scorpion kind, including one male friend who got stung on the…yeah.  Ouch.

So I’ve been feeling doomed.  Doomed by scorpions.  It’s like they’re slowly surrounding the house, just waiting until I’m barefoot to attack.  But I hate being barefoot, so Ha!  Joke’s on you, scorpions.

In the dressing room on Sunday, as I was freshening my lipstick, one of the 8th-grade cast members pointed at something on the ground and said, “That looks like a scorpion.”  I SHRIEKED! and practically leaped into her arms, shoving her and her friend away from the scorpion piece of fuzz in the process and into the wall.

After they stopped laughing at me, they hailed my innate sense of protectiveness.  Surely it was due to my fantastic Motherness that I attempted to save them from the evil scorpion.

But I wasn’t trying to save them.  I was mowing them down in my attempt at escape.  If a wall and a giant costume rack hadn’t been in my way, I would have left them as fresh, ripe scorpion bait and run like hell.

Just like the Skunk Incident of ’99 (ask Rosalind).

In the last couple days, I’ve been worrying that this selfishness is carrying over into real motherhood.  I’m feeling grumpy because I’m not enjoying being a mommy as much as I used to – it’s a LOT of work right now, and I’m not having very much fun.  Of course, my personal Fun Meter should not be on the top of my priority list when it comes to raising my children.

Playing with Moo used to be Priority #1.  But now I’ll take advantage of her easy-going nature to spend more time with my laptop.  And sometimes I find myself wishing Juice could just be a cute, cozy prop, instead of requiring actual motherly interaction.

And when we’re trying to get out the door, and Juice is crying in his car seat while Moo is flopping all over me, acting crazy instead of helping me get her shoes on – sometimes I snap.  I don’t exactly yell, but it’s close.  I use a tone that, when I would hear other mothers use it with their kids at Target, made me shake my head and tell myself, “I would NEVER talk to my children that way.”

And when I see the look on Moo’s face after I snap, well – I feel a little like a scorpion that’s just stung the things I love most in the world.


4 Responses to “Stinging Sensation”

  1. You have described something so deep in me. I know, I only have a dog, and it’s not the same thing. But I’ve not been playing with him so much, brushing him (and he needs it and loves it so). It’s alright, Mama. Things will be fun again. I think you may be missing your show and the life you had before the new baby came. Soon, Juice and Moo will do something so surprising, you will be pleasantly reminded of how much you love being a Mom. Snapped, you think? How about this? This is what I heard today from a mother who was trying to get her squirming toddler to stay in his stroller: IF YOU DON’T SIT DOWN I’M GOING TO SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!

    Now, Mama, take it easy on yourself. xoxo

  2. Sonia Says:

    I agree with Christina. Give yourself a break lady. You’re marvelous, not perfect. You’ve got many years ahead of you doin’ this. Be true to yourself and you’ll be fine.

  3. Mama Rose's Mama Says:

    “You’re marvelous, not perfect”…wise words, Sonia! There are many mommies out there who try to be perfect, and when they fall short, they beat themselves up with regret and remorse. Don’t join that club! Forgive yourself…you’re doing a wonderful job!

  4. kristi Says:

    Oh, how I KNOW. But I think our kids would be hard-pressed to ask for more adoring, hard-core loving mamas… that COUNTS.

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