Well-Wishers

May 14, 2010

I’m thinking about ceasing social niceties.  I think I get some leeway here in the last-ish month, and so when, for instance, the lady at Target says:

“Wow, you look like you were due yesterday!”

Instead of the response I made:  “Hahahahaha, it sure feels that way!”

I think I might just say, “Actually, no, I’m not due for another six weeks.”  And then I’ll revel in her awkwardness, and perhaps next time she’ll think before opening her flap. 

And when all the nurses at the dentist’s office rub my belly like I’m a freaking buddha statue, instead of gritting my teeth and suffering through it, I will say, “Please stop touching my body, right now.”

And when one of those nurses then looks at me and says, “So have you not been able to get your hair done, like this whole time?!”  Instead of running my hands nervously through my less-than-stellar hair and saying, “Hahahaha nooo, some people say you shouldn’t get your hair colored at all, but I’m just overdue for an appointment hahahaha,” I’ll just say, “Are you trying to tell me my hair looks terrible?”  And then I’ll stand there and stare at her as she mumbles awkwardly and slinks out the door.

I think I’ll really try this out today, if I can somehow manage it without teaching Moo bad manners.

I am just so sick of protecting thoughtless people’s feelings.  With the way I’m feeling lately, I’ve got plenty of awkwardness to spare – I think I’ll spread some of it around.

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7 Responses to “Well-Wishers”

  1. Shelly Says:

    Hey, are you sure you don’t have twins in there??

    Yuk yuk yuk

    People are so thoughtless and stupid.

  2. from the wings Says:

    “…before opening her flap.” I love it!

    I say give it to ’em! It takes a village to raise an idiot.

  3. pam b Says:

    love it! i cant tell you how many times i wanted to say stuff like that. of course my fave was AFTER the baby came. nothing like nursing your baby with your FIL’s head about 5 inches from your chi chi. good times

    and my little ancedote: the asshat checker at vons who said i looked like i was having twins. mind you: weight gain for pregnancy 7lbs. child weighed 7lbs 6oz. .. total idiot

  4. Katy Says:

    DOOOO IT. I really don’t understand how people can be so tactlessly stupid. I also don’t understand why people think it’s okay to just touch pregnant bellies without asking, like carrying a baby suddenly makes your personal space non-existent or something! Were they raised in barns??!

    • mamarose Says:

      I know! More strangers have touched my belly than my own mother – in fact, I don’t think she’s even touched it at all this pregnancy, and she would definitely ask first! Oh, and you definitely have to try The Parlor – great food and not too expensive – have one too many mojitos for me!

  5. Beth H Says:

    this is hilarious; you should totally do that! but did that nurse actually say that about your hair?! OMG – so freakin’ rude! hello! some people…

  6. Cat Says:

    I don’t understand this touching of bellies thing. It just seems a little perverse and really invasive. I say occassionally letting them have it works. I know I am not skinny – but it kills me when people ask when I am due. I have taken to chirping, “Nope – just fat.”


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