March 24, 2010

My brain is bubbling.  Moo is turning 3 on Thursday, I’m trying to prepare a Bunny Fairy Bird Snake Fancy Birthday Tea Party, I’m worried about my friend, I’m missing another friend, our sink smells funny, my tummy is freaking HUGE, rattlesnake season is starting and apparently there is a rise in scorpion stings in the Valley, I’m up to my knees in detritus and nostalgia from sorting through basically my whole life as I try clear things out of my former-office, future-baby-room, I’m worried about this MRSA superbug I heard about on NPR today, Moo’s toenails are turning into deinonychus claws and she won’t let us near them, I should try to make some money somehow, I’m afraid of boys, and I don’t have any pants that fit me and/or aren’t heinously ugly.


…My only craving thus far.  As soon as I think about it, I musthaveitNOW.  And there is only about half a glass left.  I don’t know how I’ll make it through the night.  Herbie would go get more if I asked, but he is just as overloaded as me, only with a smaller tummy and less concern about rattlesnake bites.

Yesterday at naptime, Moo lay in her bed for about 45 minutes whispering quietly to Hop, but she never fell asleep.  Desperate for rest, I dozed off for about 10 minutes and then heard Striper calling, “Mommay mommay mommay…”  I went in and told her it was still rest time.  She freaked out.  I got her up, told her I still needed to rest, and laid back down on the bed.  She wailed, followed me, pounded the bed with her tiny fists, begged me to get up.  I stubbornly refused to move for about 10 minutes while she thrashed around against my bed, screaming, “Get UP, Mommy!  Please get UP!!!!”  Finally I blinked and, instead of seeing an irritating obstacle to sleep, I saw my sad, pitiful, red-faced daughter.  I picked her up and hugged her panting little body as tightly as I could.  I mean, she lay there whispering so softly for nearly an hour.  She gave it her best shot.  I realized I might owe her an apology.  Instead, we played ponies.

Tonight at dinner she asked me, “Why am I a girl?”

“Because God made you a girl,” I said.

She thought a second, and asked, “Why did God make me?”

(Brain!  Bubbling!)  “Because He knew Daddy and I would love you so so so so so much, and having you would make us such a happy family.”

She smiled and licked ketchup off her finger.  God- I do love her so much. 

How am I going to keep two of them safe from rattlesnakes and scorpions and germs and sadness and fear?

How am I going to find patience for two of them?

How am I going to keep my heart from bursting?

How am I going to get any sleep tonight?


6 Responses to “Overload”

  1. Beth H. Says:

    wow. you really are on brain overload! and love for your children overload – because of that, i know you will do fine with 2 of them. not just fine, wonderfully. and i know the birthday party is going to be a fabulous success – just have fun! i can’t believe Moo is already 3!!!

  2. from the wings Says:

    Yeah, it wasn’t really clear to me how important that grapefruit juice is…so…I…um…

  3. from the wings Says:

    ‘All’, really, Mama? Really? I drank the last to swallows in the jug. Really, Mama, ‘All’?

    p.s. I love you

  4. […] the sight of Moo’s door already open would send me spiraling into gripiness.  But ever since our incident last week, I seem to have accessed some uptapped Zen-ness.  I can’t feel grumpy when that […]

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