Maybe I Just Need Another Cup of Coffee

October 2, 2009

I’m in a bad way.  The last couple weeks, I’ve developed this terrible habit of staying up until 2 a.m., sometimes writing, but mostly just roaming around the Internet looking for… something.  What the hell am I looking for?  Whatever it is, I don’t find it, and usually get caught up reading articles on Entertainment Weekly or Go Fug Yourself, or perusing the many fine blogs I enjoy.

Then I climb in bed at two next to a heavy-breathing Herbie and conk myself in the head a few hundred times.  Because I know what’s going to happen – I’m going to be a grumpy mommy in the morning, take a nap with Moo, accomplish nothing, and then stay up until two again, searching wildly on the Internet for… something.

Inspiration?  Ambition?  A fast, easy way to make lots of money?

I’m in some sort post-quest purgatory.  Again.  If I get in a show soon, I suppose that might change, but right now I’m just – aaaugh.  Ergh.   Euuuugh. 

Like that.

Everything’s just a bit out of whack.  I suspect that maybe a bold, whomping schedule change would help.  In bed by 10:30.  Up at 6.  WRITE.  Then eat breakfast RIGHT AWAY when Moo wakes up, instead of waiting an hour and then she takes an entire freaking hour to eat and then I’m nagging her to hurry up because it’s time to leave and then she gets upset and eats even slower, and then I’m yanking clothes on her and there’s no time to brush teeth, and then she’s put out and insists that she DOES NOT KNOW HOW to walk out the door or climb into her car seat, and because I’m sleep-deprived I snap at her and then we both pout, and that is no way to start the day.

I want to be a morning person.  I really do.  But I think the chances of me actually going to bed early and waking up early are slim to none.  I’ve tried it before.  I think the longest I’ve lasted is three weeks.

So what do I do?  What do I do?  It’s more than going to bed too late.  I need to… do something.  Write a book.  (When?)  Make money.  (How?)  Have another baby.  (Oh, I said I wasn’t going to talk about that.)

I want the answer to all this restlessness.  Maybe I’ll keep looking on the Internet.

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6 Responses to “Maybe I Just Need Another Cup of Coffee”

  1. Beth H. Says:

    I think we all get in these funks now & then. I usually just wait them out; they don’t last forever. and when I’m feeling unproductive i just tell myself that my creative ideas are simmering! they need time to percolate, ya know!

  2. pam b Says:

    i feel ya on the cranky mommy thing

  3. from the wings Says:

    I like the write a book idea!

  4. nathanyates Says:

    I think this might be what you’re looking for:

    http://www.poissonrouge.com/

    Now go to bed!


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