Best of… Grade School

March 17, 2009

Blaze and Duckie (I think he hates his alias) and I went out for a drink a couple nights ago, and over cocktails and gooey nachos, we had a blast reminiscing about all those silly games we loved in grade school.

Do you remember Cat’s Cradle?  Do you remember Mash, that game that would predict, among other things, whether you would end up living in a mansion, apartment, shack or house, all based on how many rings someone drew in a spiral before you said stop?  Remember “cooties” (that’s what Blaze calls them), those little fortune cookie-type marvels of oragami that you would flip back and forth and unfold bit by bit, revealing your destiny?

Remember 4-square?  Remember Ladmo Bags?  Remember Dr. Demento?  Remember this?

Miiiiiss Suzy had a steamboat,
the steamboat had a bell,
Miss Suzy went to heaven,
the steamboat went to
Hell-o operator, please give me number 9,
and if you disconnect me,
I’ll kick you from
Behind the ‘frigerator,
there was a piece of glass,
Miss Suzy sat upon it,
and broke her little
Asssk me no more questions,
I’ll tell you no more lies,
The boys are in the bathroom,
Zipping up their
Flies are in the somethin’…
something somethin’ somethin’…

Anybody remember the rest?

And do you remember how every time you liked a boy, you’d scribble down “TRUE LOVE” in your notebook, and count all the t’s, r’s, u’s, e’s, etc. in his name and your name, and come up with two numbers that, put together, symbolized your chance at true love with this person.  For the record, Herbie and I scored a solid 86% (117% if you include middle names!).

And yes, I did check our percentages before we got married.  AND I live in a house, just like Mash predicted!  But surprisingly, I did not marry Ricky Schroeder and have 17 children, as promised.  Also, I do not drive a purple Porsche.

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7 Responses to “Best of… Grade School”

  1. Katy Says:

    …Zipping up their
    Flies are in the meadow,
    the bees are in the park,
    Miss Suzie and her boyfriend
    are kissing in the
    D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K,
    Dark! Dark! Dark!
    The dark is like a movie,
    a movie’s like a show.
    A show is like a cartoon,
    and that is all I know
    I know my Ma,
    I know, I know my Pa,
    I know, I know my sister with the alligator bra!

    Yeahhh, half my childhood was spent yelling that at the top of my lungs. I think there might be a few more lines to it, but I can’t remember…

    MASH is amazing. My friend and I actually played it quite recently while sitting through a terrible opening act at a concert. It’s still amazing.

    The other day in my kinesiology class, my teacher compared a tensegretic structure or a muscle’s line of pull or something kinesiological-sounding to Cat’s Cradle…She asked if we remembered what Cat’s Cradle was. I nodded, smiled, and said, “Good times!” My classmates laughed at me. Even though they were totally thinking the same thing.

  2. Katie Burke Says:

    Darn! Katy answered before I could get to it … but I’m glad she did, because I never knew there was more after the “d-a-r-k DARK!” part!

  3. Wordslinger for Hire Says:

    While you were singing and playing MASH, Herbie and I were setting fire to a fence.

    (I don’t know what that has to do with anything… I just thought it was funny to point out)

  4. Beth H. Says:

    wow, i did not know all that part at the end that katy mentioned. we used to end it like this:
    Asssk me no more questions,
    I’ll tell you no more lies,
    The cows are in the pasture,
    making chocolate pies!

    but i lived in rural Texas – guess we had our own version! : )

    • mamarose Says:

      That’s funny, I think it’s so interesting how we all know it, only slightly different versions. It must be regional – Katie B. and I both grew up here in Phoenix, and we both learned it the d-a-r-k dark dark dark! way. And what is an alligator bra?!

      Wasn’t there a rollercoaster one? Anyone remember that?

  5. Katy Says:

    I have no idea what an alligator bra is. I just remember that line. Maybe it refers to the print? Haha, I don’t know. Maybe we were just silly beyond logic or lyrical analysis at my elementary school. 🙂

  6. pam b Says:

    i had no idea about the dark part. wow you brought back memories with that rhyme/song .. i had completely forgotten about that!


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