We’re Not Old, We’re Awesome

February 8, 2009

Rosalind was shooting a wedding last week (not literally; with a camera) attended by a young foolish friend idiot she’d known for a while.  This 24-year-old filly flitted up at the end of the wedding to say goodbye to Rosalind.

“Are you seeing anyone?” she asked Rosalind.  “If not, we really want to set you up with Bobby.  He likes older women!”


Hold on.  WAIT.  Are we older women?

Are we even “women?”

I feel much more like a chick, or a lass, or even a babe, than a “woman.”  A woman has it all together – love life, career, and more than one pair of jeans that fit.  A woman does not eat Chex Mix for lunch and read Us Weekly and scratch in uncouth places.  A woman eats salmon salad and reads Vanity Fair and perfectly reapplies her lipstick without looking in a mirror.

Rosalind and I discussed the “older woman” issue at length.  Even Herbie got in on the conversation, although we were dismayed that he was not quite as SHOCKED as he should have been.

I mean, I think you have to be at the very least 45-years-old with a 20 year age gap to be considered an “older woman,” in the dating sense.  Demi Moore dating Ashton Kutcher – that’s an older woman relationship.  Cloris Leachman dating Jack Black – another good example.

But not-even-35?  I don’t think so.  However – if we’re not older women, what are we?  We’re certainly not young women anymore.  Herbie posited that we’re like adult tweens – twadults, perhaps?  Twomen?

No.  We’re in our PRIME, right? Prime time, time to make a rhyme (oops, a Sesame Street song snuck in there for a second).  We are ladies in our prime – in your 30’s, it allll comes together, right?  Career, love life, SEXuality, beauty, confidence, an awesome, flattering wardrobe and the perfect hairstyle…

Hmm… well, maybe it all just magically happens as soon as we turn 35.

But back to Rosalind at the wedding – as soon as her idiot friend realized her gaffe (right about the time Roz struck her with her patented Laser Eye of Death), she started frantically back-pedaling.

“I mean, I don’t mean you’re OLD, just that he likes, you know, mature women?  With experience?  Like smart and stuff?”

But Rosalind just shook her head, cutting her off.  “You need to go,” she told the twit.  “Now.”  The twit wimpered and fled.


Take that, 20-something twits of the world.  We twadults aren’t going to take your crap anymore.  Now leave us alone – we have Chex Mix to eat and celebrity gossip to discuss.

Tomorrow we’ll eat canapes and discuss politics, I swear.


8 Responses to “We’re Not Old, We’re Awesome”

  1. kristi Says:

    I’d have paid money to have seen that exchange. Oh, Rosalind, with skin like yours, you’ll NEVER be “OLDER”!!

  2. ml Says:

    Chicks don’t enjoy the term ‘cougar’ either – sorry e, er I mean, Rosalind. Interesting how words matter. Guys generally don’t like hearing a bunch of F-bombs from chicks (although surprising I do enjoy it in the written form) but it all depends on context and quantity. A genuine and spontanious “what the F*#@?!”aimed at the A-hole driver that just cut you off is not just fine-its also rather healthy.

  3. KATE Says:

    EXCUUUUUUSE ME, I am not old, I’m “experienced”

    • mamarose Says:

      Of course you’re not old! Old is like, 90ish. Not even Helen Mirren is old. But IF you started dating a 24-year-old you met at a wedding, would it not perhaps be described as an older woman/younger man relationship? Maybe it’s annoying no matter what age you are – what do I know, I’m just a 30-something twit.

  4. Melanie Says:

    It’s so funny how quickly women are supposed to pass ye old expiration date these days. Screw that. Being in your 30s is where it’s at. I can finally afford my lifestyle.

    Even so, be kind…we all had to live through our 20s, and we’ve all said stupid things to “older” women in an attempt to seem sophisticated. Being in one’s 20s is like experiencing a second adolescence, minus parents and curfew, plus bills and jobs.

    Having said that…what a twit.

  5. KATE Says:

    the warranty does expire at 40 with no replacement parts available

  6. Mary Says:

    Older woman. Please!! Maybe if the guy was 16. Make sure you charge her double for her wedding photos. And if the previous comment is correct that men don’t like women who drop the F bomb a lot I guess I am in trouble.

  7. Rosalind Says:

    Thanks Mary! I find your F bomb tendencies to be very endearing. It makes me giggle every time.

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