The Mean Reds

February 8, 2009

Herbie and Moo just left to go to my in-laws’ house for dinner so I could have the house to myself to work on learning music for the show.  Except that I left the little recorder doo-dad with all the music on it in the glove compartment of the car, which is currently…at my in-laws’ house with Herbie and Moo.

So that’s great.  I probably should have already downloaded the music onto my computer, like Herbie told me to 10 times, and then this wouldn’t have happened.

I guess now I have time to work on the ol’ blogola.  I find myself struggling to write lately – partly due to a case of the unbloggables – things not to be discussed on the blog (I mean, after all, my mother and my mother-in-law read it) – and partly because nothing’s HAPPENING, as far as Big Events go – I’m in purgatory before rehearsals start, and find myself twisting in the ether…worrying about everything that’s happening, worrying about what’s to come, and then what’s to come after that…

I think I foolishly bought into the idea that once I’d unloaded my Big Regret off my shoulders, everything in my life would just magically work out perfectly and be perfectly wonderful forever.  And here I am, I’ve finally succeeded in facing my fears, I’ve been cast in my second show, and everything is… not so great.

Everything is so fucking hard.

Sorry to go all Christian Bale on you, but now you know, Mom – sometimes I do say the f-word.  (I have a feeling you already knew that.)  And actually I use it much less now that I’m a mom.  It’s only hard in the car, these days.  Fucking drivers.

Anyway.  Of course I knew intellectually that life doesn’t work that way, but when everything started going my way personally and things started going the wrong way everywhere else, it just felt so unfair.

Maybe I shouldn’t have tempted fate?

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2 Responses to “The Mean Reds”

  1. from the wings Says:

    We all get the mean reds. You could be sitting at your desk and your manager walks by and doesn’t say anything to you and there you go, spiraling into the mean reds. “What am I doing so wrong that a simple greeting is cannot be afforded!?” But it will settle down. Especially after rehearsals start and you have somewhere to put all this energy.

    Also, this is #11.

  2. Cat Says:

    You know, I find a visit to the Tiffany windows perks me right up. Seriously – it’s all the sparkling.


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