January 25, 2009

I’m not being entirely honest.  Behind all the cutesy posts, and anecdotes about Moo, and all my excitement about auditions, there is something else.

My friend is sick.

I haven’t mentioned it before because I felt strongly that this is not my story to tell.  And yet it is now everywhere in my own life, and I just don’t think I can keep completely silent about it anymore.

My friend is sick.

And not just any friend – not someone I’ve known for a couple years, someone I’ve had coffee with a few times, someone whose company I enjoy – she is my very oldest friend – going on 21 years. There have been times in our lives when we’ve been very close, and times when we haven’t, but we have always known that no matter what, we love each other. She is my family. She would do anything for me. And so now – what can I do for her?

She is going to get better. She must.  But right now, she is in pain and in tears, and she and her family (husband, two-year-old son, and two tiny twins) need so much – everything – love, care, food, prayers – so much that it washes over all of us and feels like drowning – so much that I struggle to know what to do first, or next, or how, or when…  and sometimes I can’t even figure out when I should call.

My friend is sick, and sad, and I wish I could pick her up like I pick up Moo, and rock her gently and kiss her forehead and have her believe me when I tell her she’ll be okay.  And then after a good night’s sleep and some Tylenol, she’ll be her old self again, just like Moo after a bad cold.

I wish I could show her a glimpse of her life a few years from now, when she will be healed, and working again, and juggling dance recitals and soccer lessons, and chatting with me about Sarah Jessica Parker’s latest project, and thinking about which purse she wants to buy, instead of which vein the nurse should use for an IV.

I wish I had a time machine.

I wish I knew what to do.

I wish I could scoop out some of her pain and bury it in the backyard in the cold nighttime soil, and the pain would freeze and break apart.

I wish I could press pause on my own life for a month and go be with her family every moment, and hold her hand, and rock the tiny babies, and make macaroni n’ cheese for their older brother, and even clean the damn toilet.

I wish that fucking Casey Anthony had gotten sick instead of my friend.

I wish life was fair. Even just a little bit.


8 Responses to “Subtext”

  1. kristi Says:

    Praying for her. 😦

  2. Beth Says:

    wow, K. I don’t know what to say… i’m really sorry that you & your friend & both of your families are having to go thru this. sending positive, healing thoughts your way for all…

  3. Rosalind Says:

    Well said. I wish you could do all of that too.

  4. Wordslinger for Hire Says:

    I just found all of this out the other night when I was out with Herbie and our other friend (who I assume has no “Blog-name” as of yet.

    I can only imagine how you are feeling, and how they are feeling. I too wish there was something I could do for them, but I know that things are in the hands of something far greater than me.

    To quote Alexandre Dumas: “…all human wisdom is contained in these two words, Wait and Hope”

    That is all I can offer… it is all I can do.

    Please send my love.

  5. Mama Rose's Mama Says:

    My heart aches too for this lovely young woman with a husband, small son and two tiny twins, and struggles with the question, What can I do? I do want her to know that I think of her daily and pray for her.

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