Stats and Searches

December 10, 2008

I believe I may have discovered something very important (possibly revolutionary!) about people – they love to read blogs on Tuesdays and Fridays.

My statistics shoot way, way up (cuz the sea monkeys that run the Internet keep track of these things) on Tuesdays and Fridays every week without fail.  Here’s my theory – on Mondays, people buckle down and work work work.  Then on Tuesdays they think, “Eh, I worked really hard yesterday.  I can goof off and browse the Internet most of the day.”  Then they get way behind and work work work Wednesday and Thursday, and then Friday comes, and, well, everybody knows nobody works on Friday.

I think my theory still works for mommies, if you just substitute “work work work” for “play, laundry, do dishes.”

And just for giggles, another edition of “Fun With Google Searches!™”  The sea monkeys also tell me the Google searches that lead unspecting folks to my blog, and here are some of my current favorites:

“big as bitches dancing”

“confession revenge sin” – I love that.  Makes my blog seem like either a gothic romance, or the Bible.

“cheesy smell in nose”

“cheesy smell on face” – Wow, people have lots of cheese smell issues.

“nose corners smell cheese” – Perhaps, sir, you should simply hold the cheese away from your nose.

“mommy caught me wearing her makeup”

“rosie bigger but farts”

“last of the red hot lovers synopsis anal” – “Last of the Red Hot Lovers” is a play I almost auditioned for.  Why does it require an anal synopsis?  Perhaps I’m glad I skipped this audition!

“lovey dovey things to say”

“big anusi in pics” – Is the plural of “anus” really “anusi?”  Fascinating!

“golfen voor de mama” – ????  Is that German?  I don’t speak German!  Did I write a blog post in German in some sort of hazy-eyed trance, like on Heroes when they future-paint?  Maybe my superpower is speaking German…wait, that’s a lame superpower… 

“why does herbie like rose” – I honestly don’t know.  But I’m so lucky that he does…


4 Responses to “Stats and Searches”

  1. from the wings Says:

    Well you see, when someone types in a Google search, the search criteria that the user entered is sent via query string to the website that the hyperlink leads to, like WordPress, through a http: transfer called a POST…tell me when to stop…WordPress then takes that data and matches it to your blog also by looking at the address on the hyperlink that was clicked. They store all of these entries in a database and when you run your report, the sea monkeys poop out little colored pixels that turn into letters and numbers on your screen telling you what you need to know!

  2. Kate Says:

    Your theory does not apply to the unemployed, like me, who have nothing better than to check your blog twice a day. I gotta get a life.

  3. Wordslinger for Hire Says:


    (For the last sentence of “from the wings” comment)

    That made my day all kinds of better

  4. […] 2008 Apparently, the SMIC (sea-monkeys-in-charge) did not appreciate my revealing their secret Internet power, and attacked my computer […]

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