Grump/Chocolate Guilt

Let’s see – we don’t have costumes for the second act yet, I lost my skirt in the middle of a song, I ripped up another skirt, broke a globe, forgot my prop glasses, hit all the wrong notes in most of the songs, and couldn’t remember any of the choreography.

AND I forgot the Advil.  Not a good night.

To top it off, today is Moo’s birthday.  Moo is turning two and I can hardly even keep my eyes open, much less celebrate her the way she deserves.  Instead, I’m dragging her to a promo for the show during the day, and I won’t even see her at night.

Yes, yes, she has a robot party to look forward to.  But I want to feed her cupcakes and sprinkle confetti over her head all day long.

Since I can’t do that, I’m letting her have chocolate for breakfast.

Happy Birthday Moo!

Two Rehearsals To Go

Last Night’s Lessons:

1.  Last night was our first night with lights, and it hit me for the first time what a dramatic switch this is from “Kiss Me Kate,” for me personally.  In Kiss Me Kate, I was in the background, happily doing my thing and happily watching others in the spotlight.  This time, the spotlight is literally on me.  At first, it freaked me out a little, but then - ohhhhhh I basked.

2.  Wireless mics = I don’t have to sing loudly!  I’m so used to trying to belt as loudly as I can, I don’t know if I’ll be able to adjust for the mics.  Luckily, Genius Sound Man Tom will adjust me accordingly.  Still haven’t been brave enough to go to the bathroom while wearing the mic pack yet…

3.  It is impossible for me to have any kind of expression on my face whatsoever during the two harmony monsters, “Cabaret” and “There Goes the Ballgame.”

4.  Also, I don’t know what the heck kind of expression to have on my face while holding this pink ukelele during “Me and My Baby.”  (Get it?  It’s not a baby, it’s a ukelele!  Get it?  Get it?  Me neither.)  So do I go with daffy amusement?  Utter befuddlement?  Paranoid psychosis?  Do I really believe this is a baby I’m holding, or am I just being ironic?

5.  I am really blind and very likely to fall over repeatedly in the dark wings of the stage. Why do I not wear contacts?!  Oh yes, because they are stupid and annoying and I hate them.

6.  Don’t hold that note too long!

7.  Don’t slow down during that verse!

8.  Do NOT start on the left foot!

9.  Wait for everyone else before you stride on stage and start singing!

10.  ALWAYS BRING ADVIL.

Tech Week, Day 1

Tech week, that glorious stretch of frantic freak-outs leading up to opening night, began yesterday.  It was our first rehearsal on the stage – the first time we got to see the theatre and stage where we’ll be performing (and roller-skating).  I got there early, trying to look my very best as a personal favor to Mary, who called and requested that I wear something nice, comb my hair and put on some lipstick, so that the costume designer might be convinced that I am not, in fact, a 12-year-old girl.  So I wore my highest heels and ruffly sexy tank top and blotted on some lipstick, and Mary gave me a wink that I think meant she appreciated the transformation.

Then we tried on costumes for the first act (love my sexy-back magenta leotard) and played around with some hats and props, before beginning the terribly slow slog through each number, re-blocking and getting used to the new space.

We’re all getting a bit twitchy.  We want to just get on with it, get this show up and going, while at the same time we’re desperate for more rehearsal time.  Mary is terribly worried about one of us getting hurt in the roller-skating number, and as a result I am relegated to the bench for part of the number, and I don’t know whether to feel disappointed or relieved.  We still haven’t staged the finale, but at least I’ve learned the German I have to sing in that number (I mean, I’m probably butchering it, but only my brother- and sister-in-law will know!).  I’d love to rehearse “All That Jazz” about a million more times, but at least now there’s an actual piano (as opposed to a keyboard) for Ricky to lift me up onto, and now I’m consumed by the desire to drape myself across it a la Michelle Pfeiffer in the Fabulous Baker Boys, but I don’t think that’s what Mary had in mind.

Mama, to Ricky:  “Have you ever lifted a girl up onto a piano before?”

Ricky:  “Well, not onto a piano…”

Hmmmm.

Tonight:  LIGHTS!  And wireless mics, and more costume fittings, and more re-staging, re-blocking, re-choreographing and re-configuring, until hopefully, on Thursday night, it all explodes into an orgasmic delight of musical theatre.

Or something like that.

The Cast

Thought the blogoverse might like to meet my esteemed cast:

 
…As rendered by Annoyingly Over-Talented Cast Member Ricky (Is it not enough that he can sing like, ohh someone please name a famous opera singer, and has a face like Gumby, if Gumby were really attractive?).

From left to right, that’s Ricky, Julie, Blaze, me, and Duckie.

Duckie really doesn’t look anything like Jon Cryer in this particular artistic interpretation, and so, henceforth (and just to be really confusing) he shall be known as Norm.

Thursday Rehearsal Stats

Sparkly Finale Jacket: Itchy

Strappy 3-inch Stilletos:  Sayonara!

Mama’s New Haircut:  Everyone seemed to like it, although Mary the director barely noticed.  NO WIG!  NOOOOO!

Minutes We Sat Slumped in Chairs at End of Rehearsal Because We Were Too Tired to Leave: 12

What it Looks Like Ricky is Doing to Blaze in One of the Publicity Photos:  {Censored} Heh heh.

Mary’s General Perception of Me:  That I am a tomboy?!   Maybe that’s why Moo loves snakes and robots – I’m a tomboy in denial!

The Grass is Always Greener:  On somebody’s else’s estate, on somebody else’s front lawn, where some other tenant pays rent, on someone else’s weiner…

Blaze:  Is a glorious treasure chest of accessories, and I would like to break into her house and steal away with the contents of her closet.

Cast Chat:  Mork and Mindy theme song, Robin Williams’ health, rousing sing-a-long of Love Boat theme.

How Many Garters is Blaze Making for Me?:  7 – one to throw out to the audience during every show. (Thanks, Blaze!…. trade you a garter for that awesome flower bracelet?)

Next Week at This Time:  One show down, six to go.

Herbie:  Has been asleep since 8:30 when Moo went to bed.  I have driven him to utter exhaustion (or maybe it was the Indian food he had for lunch?).

Snucky

Some people call it a pacifier, some people call it a binky, some people call it the ruiner of teeth and the scourge of the Earth.

We call it “sucky.”  Pretty self-explanatory.

Moo isn’t super sucky-dependant.  She only has her sucky (the pink one, preferably, although sometimes she’s in the mood for purple) in bed.

And it was WELL after Moo’s bed-time when I arrived at my mom’s house after rehearsal.  I wanted to give Herbie the night off, so Moo spent the evening at my mom’s house.  The plan was that I would pick her up and take her home after rehearsal, by which time she should have been asleep for about two and a half hours.

Except when my mom opened the door to let me in, she said, “She’s not asleep yet.”

“What??!!” I replied.

“She’s been talking in bed for the last two hours!”

Oh, great.  It’s wonderful that Moo isn’t one of those kids that hates going to bed, but sometimes she likes being in bed a little TOO much.  Sometimes we’ll listen to her talking and playing with her animals for 30 minutes or more after we put her in bed, but two hours??

Come to think of it, that’s exactly what I used to do when I was a little girl.  I loved going to bed.  I made up elaborate stories about my stuffed animals, who acted out all the parts – sometimes re-creating whatever movie musical I’d seen most recently.  My favorites were “Grease” and “Brigadoon,” with Wiggles the Caterpillar playing the part of Gene Kelly.

As soon as I stepped into the room where Moo was not-sleeping, she jumped up in bed.

“Hi, Mommy!!  Look, here’s Hop!  Hoppity hoppity hop hop hoppy hop!  And here’s Striper Snake!  Husss husss hussssss!  What you doing, Mommy?  You pick me up, Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy?”

It was really difficult to keep my Serious Mom face on.  Then I picked her up, and in the upwards swoop, she dropped her sucky.

“Oh, I dropped snucky!  Snucky?  WHAAAT?!  Snucky?!  Mommy, what I saying?  Snucky!  Hahahahahahahahahaha! SNUCKY SNUCKY SNUCKY!”

At that point my mom and I gave up trying to use our sleepytime voices and started cracking up, too.  I mean, “snucky” is a really funny word.

“Let’s go tell Grandpa!” suggested Moo.

So we did.  Moo finally fell asleep around 11 p.m., giggling about her snucky under breath.  I fell asleep giggling, too.  And re-enacting Brigadoon in my head.

“Snucky.”  Heh heh heh.

Waah wah wah

I probably shouldn’t start writing at nearly-midnight, because all I want to write about is how I am SO TIRED.  Which makes for incredibly captivating reading, of course.

I’m disappointed in myself for slacking on the blog.  My stamina is being sorely tested – as a mom, wife, and performer.   First, we are out of frozen waffles, and I’m pretty sure they can revoke my Mom membership card for that oversight.  Second, my husband spent all day mowing the lawn, repairing the roof, and then doing all the boring computer maintenance that I’m too lazy to do, and all I did tonight was lay on the couch and grumble. 

And finally - performing.  Oy, my aching bones!  This show requires vast amounts of energy – we are all on stage almost the entire show, and at this point, with rehearsals starting to feel endless, we can hardly tell our right foot from our left, much less remember if we’re supposed to bounce up and down or sway side to side.  Here’s a quick breakdown:

1) I sing a song and we all run around madly shaking bells.  At end of song, I am left for gawping for breath, hoping I don’t look like a dying fish.
2)  Ricky sings.  Whew!  A short break.
3)  Everybody else sings.  Hey, what am I complaining about?
4)  We all sing, bend our bodies into impossible positions, fall on the floor, and then dance with crutches.  Easy-peasy!
5)  Blaze and I sing about the grass being greener on somebody else’s weiner, pot roasts, and large whale sexual organs.  Or something like that.
6)  Everybody else sings again.  Short nap in the wings, perhaps?
7)  Money money money money and let’s all run around in circles with hats and oh shit do we take off our hats now?  Now?  What about now?  Yikes, ending pose, and…
8)  Zwooom rush off stage to whooosh rush back on stage and sing EVIL SONG FROM HELL, which surprisingly, every once in a while, just for a moment, is a little bit fun.  Try to paste look of ease and pleasure on my face instead of the face I make while pooping or throwing up, which would come more naturally during this song.
9)  And zwip! skitter to the wings to rrrrip! off skirts and fwoop!  fwoop! put on sparkly jackets while hoping that my ass doesn’t look huge in the green leotard and singing about how the world goes around and around and around and around and you get the idea…
10) and Bonjour!  We all sing in different languages to the tune of “New York, New York” while trying to remember whether our arms are at a 45 or 90-degree angle and how long do we hold “Yorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk?” and man, I really do think my ass will look blubbery in that leotard. 

The End.

And that’s just the second act!

If I wasn’t so tired, it would be so much easier to remember that this is all so gloriously FUN.

Zzzzz.

Rehearsal Stats Etc.

Days until Opening Night:  14

Songs We Haven’t Started to Stage:  3 1/2

Time We’ve Spent Practicing on Roller Skates:  5 minutes (and that’s just me)

Why Did Mary the Director go to Sports Authority Today?:  To buy her poor, non-roller-skating cast knee pads, elbow pads and wrist pads.

Is it Fun to Dance with Prop Crutches?:  No, it is not.

Is it Fun to Sing with a Back-Up Chorus of Bells?:  YES.

Current Emotional State of Cast:  Kinda Grumpy

Current Emotional State of Mama:  Frazzled with a side of Lovey-Dovey

Current Emotional State of Moo:  Zzzzzzzzz

Current Cast Afflictions:  Strep throat, bad knee, husband far away in Malaysia, bad day at work, oops I forgot to eat dinner (me).

Despite All This, Current State of Cast Love:  Still hummin.’

Mama, Why Are You Swatting at Your Face During Rehearsal?:  Because bugs are ATTACKING me!

Mama, Why Are You Starting on the Left Foot?:  Uhhhhh… because bugs are attacking me?

Tonight’s Challenge:  Wireless mics

Eat Them Pringles, Ring Them Bells

Anyone else having Pringles for lunch?  I’ve noticed that, just like the last production, I am losing a bit of weight as rehearsals intensify, but I suspect this time it has less to do with dancing and more to do with bad habits – like Pringles for lunch.

Last night I dashed around the house, trying to get myself ready for rehearsal while chatting with Moo about potential plots for her evening puppet show – Ballerina and Nutcracker Walk Around the Castle?  Frog and Duck Have a Picnic?  I barely had time to squeeze Herbie hello and babble the dinner menu over my shoulder (“Those Lebanese meat pies that Rosalind made us, mashed potatoes, and zucchini - I know, but Moo SAID she wanted zucchini!”) before dashing out the door.  It wasn’t until I pulled into the parking lot and my tummy started loudly devouring itself that I realized all I’d eaten all day was a mini-bagel and half an orange.  And here I am again, eating Pringles for lunch.  It’s actually not that different from my bachelorette days, when I survived on wheat thins and cheddar cheese.  And Diet Coke!  Oh!!!

Shoot, no Diet Coke in the house.

I need to shape up, because disease and bad knees are befalling our cast and I’ve got to stay healthy.  Ricky busted his knee (at church, he says – hmmm), and Julie has strep throat.  At least Moo’s current obsession with oranges means I’m consuming a lot of vitamin C (when she deigns to share a wedge with me).

Tonight I have the night off, and I’m looking forward to cooking dinner and sitting down with my family.  It’s been a tough week for us – I’m asking so much of Herbie, especially with all these weekend rehearsals which mean Herbie’s basically trapped in the house all weekend (since we’re a one-car/one-bike household).  And I can see Moo struggling with my constant getting-ready-to-leave status.  Every afternoon, she wakes up from her nap and scampers into the playroom, shouting, “Let’s play Show, Mommy!”  “I want to, sweetheart, but I have to get ready to go to rehearsal,” I always reply.  I suppose I should really get ready BEFORE she wakes up, but I’m wired to put things off until the last possible second.

Of course, when I am at rehearsal, I’m just a big happy musical theatre cheeseball, hamming it up and loving every second.  It’s only the saying goodbye, the long drive in between home and rehearsal, and coming home to see the remnants of evening playtime I missed that hurt quite a bit.

I’m looking forward to being Just Mommy over the summer.  But I can’t possibly see how I can give this up for good again, even when it means Pringles for lunch and missing my family.  Because even on an empty stomach, I cherish moments like Moo and I had in the car earlier, when Moo asked me what I sang at rehearsal last night.  So I sang her a verrry long song called “Ring Them Bells” (always good to teach your toddler incorrect grammar), filled with all kinds of words she doesn’t know (like Dubrovnik, matador, bronchial cough), and I expected her to cut me off at every moment.  But I sang the whole damn thing, and when I looked in the rearview mirror, her dimples were flashing and her nose was crinkling.

“Again!  Again!” she demanded.

I obliged, of course.  And… I don’t know, I kinda got this funny feeling that maybe my daughter was a little bit proud of me.

And that’s a warm and fuzzy feeling I’d like to experience again.

Rehearsal Update

Roller Skates:  I received mine on Friday night, really expecting roller skating to be easier than I anticipated.  I was so wrong.  My feet are so heavy!  Everyone keeps telling me to just lift up one foot and drag the stopper thingy to, you know, stop – but I don’t see how that’s going to keep my other foot from continuing forward and causing me to land on my face, since that’s the law of physics, isn’t it?  An object in motion stays in motion, or something like that?  “Tends to stay in motion,” Herbie chided me.  “Just use your leg muscles.”  I AM!

Fringe:  My “All That Jazz” costume is fabulous beyond words.  There’s so much fringe, in fact, that I may choke on a few pieces during the number, but hey, I worship at the Altar of Fringe, so it’s worth it, right?

Harmonies:  Improving slowly, if somewhat inconsistently.  If we start at the beginning and sing straight through the song, I can usually hit the right notes.  But if we stop to fix choreography and re-start in the middle of a line, I’m screwed.  At least there won’t be any stopping and starting when we actually perform.

Wig:  I may have to wear one.  I really do not want to (I don’t feel like myself, in a show where I am essentially playing myself, and Moo won’t even recognize me! …In fact, no one may be able to recognize me).  In an effort to avoid wigdom, I’m getting my hair cut before the show.   I was already planning on going blonder, so what the hell, I’ll go shorter too, and hey! why not throw in some bangs as well?

Crutches:  Apparently we’re going to be dancing with those.  On purpose, not because Mary expects us all to have broken limbs by the time we open.

Hats that Light Up:  Are also going to make an appearance.

Breathing:  Is very difficult when dancing, juggling coffee cups, and roller skating.

Ticking Clock:  17 days until preview night.  Eep.