Catalog Love

I am obsessed with the Crate & Barrel Christmas Catalog.  Every night, while Herbie reads books to Moo, I flip through it’s glorious red and white and silver pages, knowing, KNOWING, that life would be absolutely perfect if only we owned every single thing in this catalog.

Like this:

How can I survive the holidays without cute red birdie plates and placemats?  I CANNOT.

And this!

Does that make you happy like it makes me happy?  And longing for December?  Never mind that we don’t have a fireplace or mantel to put this on… I could put it on…the kitchen counter!  Sure!  That would distract quite nicely from all the dirty dishes.

HOW DO I MAKE MY HOUSE LOOK LIKE THAT?  Obviously, I’ll need wallpaper.  Or can I use paint?  And then I have the fireplace problem again.  Can you tell that I really love red-and-white for Christmas?  Ahhh, Christmas.  I can’t wait.  I know it’s all about giving and loving and all that gooey stuff, but at this moment I am embracing the GREEEEEED.  I would like to kiss this catalog.   Maybe more.  (Don’t tell Herbie.) 

 And I’m not sure, but I think it smells like peppermint.

Stupid *@&#! Scale

Every December, the holidays zip along, and I scarf pecan cups and Christmas cookies and bourbon balls and Bailey’s and Bailey’s ice cream and hot chocolate and peppermint ice cream and Christmas M&M’s, and I check myself out in the mirror pre-shower and think, “Hey, not bad!  I must have been in better shape than I thought, because I look pretty decent for a cookie-snarfing swine.”  And then one day (usually January 2), I look at the scale and suddenly I’ve gained 30 pounds overnight (perhaps a slight exaggeration).

Unfair!  (But worth it – especially the pecan cups.)

So it’s either ballet, that most noble of dance forms, or jazzercise, the cheesiest.  Any votes?

Oh! Beautiful…

Visiting the Christmas tree at Desert Ridge, a local shopping area:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moo’s take on the Christmas tree:

“Nana like this tree!  We put tree on car, take tree home and give for Nana!”

I kept giggling over how crazy excited she was about the tree.  Then I decided to get down on her level and take a look.

 
Well no wonder!

For This Evening’s Performance, Moo’s Role Will Be Played By…

Moo has a cold again, and even in her cute new bunny shirt from her Annie and Uncle Steve, she is a pitiful sight.  Red, tear-streaked face, swollen, purple eyes, nose rubbed raw from wiping, and multiple scratches around her nose and cheeks where she has clawed in frustration at her stuffed-up little schnozz.

At least we went over a month between colds this time – that’s an improvement, right?

We had our “Second Christmas” celebration last night with my parents, who were at my sister’s house last week.  I continued on my frankly AWESOME cooking streak, serving spinach and artichoke dip, lemony chicken risotto, baked sweet potatoes with maple sour cream, and a boring salad.  But all my cooking success meant nothing when our Christmas redux dinner was interrupted three minutes in by a frantically screeching child:  “I ALL DOOONE!!!!!!! AHHEEOOHAAWAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

So the star of our Christmas evening was not quite up to the task, but we didn’t have an understudy, so she just had to dig deep for her last reserves of charm, which luckily, she found just in time to open her Christmas presents from Nana and Grandpa.  She managed to serve us some cupcakes and pizza on her new dishes before demanding (?!?!) to go to bed.

Sleep well, my angel.  The theatre is dark today, but you’ve got two performances tomorrow, and we should really go over that dance section again.  I know falling down and saying “oops”  is cute and all, but your audience pays good money, and they want to see your cool dance moves.  Especially that twirl, march, lunge, hands-in-the-air combo – oh yes, that’s a keeper.

Herbie’s Christmas

Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Tis the Season

Ahhh.  Life is pretty nice right now (of course, this is when I start worrying that something is about to go horribly wrong), and I think I owe it all to God.  It’s a miracle - our house is clean (except for our bedroom and my office uuuugh).  Not only clean, but decked out for Christmas, and that’s all because I had some church mommies over for cider and cake today.  Gosh, that’s so Cleaver of me.  What happened to the girl who was obsessed with strippers and wore high heels every day?  Not much, I suppose – I still love strippers, although I also worry about their self-images and hope that they’re not using drugs.  And I would wear high heels every day except that I would be a pretty useless mom.  I asked Herbie last night, “How do those Hollywood moms do it, wear high heels and run around the city carrying their child?”  And Herbie answered, “They don’t.  Their assistants wear tennis shoes and hand them their kid whenever there’s  a photographer around.”  Good to know.

ANYway, I guess I can love strippers, high heels, and my sweet church mommies all at the same time.  And let’s just steeeer this back to my original topic and say that there’s nothing like the fear of being humiliated in front of church moms to make you pick up a broom, so thanks for the motivation, God!  I even attempted to make apple cider in my slow cooker, which made our house smell like Mrs. Claus’s kitchen, but then nobody drank any, and now I feel like I might be getting a little high from the clove fumes.

I’m feeling very photo-happy right now.  Moo’s Christmas birdie tree:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With one Christmas pumpkin, of course:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I make awesome rocky road brownies:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our candy cane table:

My Pants Are On Fire!

…because I’m a liar.  Get it? 

So, yes, I’m backing out of the audition tonight.  Not boc-boc-ing out, (Like a chicken! Get it? Get it? Sigh.), just backing out.  Here are my perfectly reasonable reasons why:

1.  Moo has turned into a bedtime tantrum monster.  This may be due to her cold, but my mommy instincts tell me that it has a whole lot to do with the fact that her bedtime routine in the last three weeks has gone kaput, with a revolving door of guest stars, naps in cars, and midnight wake-ups when I picked her up from my mom’s house to take her home after the show.  Don’t get me wrong – thanks guest stars! We couldn’t have done it without you.  But I suspect that Moo really needs a few days in a row (maybe a whole week!) with Mommy and Daddy at home.  And since I was visiting a friend last night, and we have a date night Friday (tickets to “25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee!”), I just couldn’t willingly choose to be away from Moo three nights this week.

2.  I haven’t even started on my so-called resume, and Herbie has not taken a picture of my head.

3.  I think I really need to concentrate on this whole washing-hands idea with Moo.  No more colds! 

4.  I think I’ve earned a holiday – in fact, I think my whole family has earned a holiday, after putting up with all my running around and my annoying habit of singing the same showtunes over and over and OVER again.  I need to be home, and clean up the damn house, and bake cookies every night to make Herbie and Moo nice and fat for Christmas.  (Not because I’m fattening them up to eat them, although I have been known to nibble toes and ears now and then.)

I am disappointed, because it was exciting not to feel terrified of another audition, and putting off audition #2 will give the fear time to brew again.  But there will be more auditions coming up soon, and now I’ll have a chance to get headshots, work on a monologue, and CLEAN. MY. DAMN. OFFICE!!!

A Few Questions for all the Mommies in Blogland (Okay, Daddies, too)

Question #1:

When did you first start using toothpaste when brushing your child’s teeth?  For that matter, when did you first take your child to the dentist?  And when you did start using toothpaste, did your kiddo take to it with ease or fight like a raging boar?

Question #2:

When did you make the transition from sippy cup to regular cup?  And is there some sort of super-sipper cup that comes between sippy and regular cup that I should know about?  

Question #3:

Does anyone have any idea what an 8-year-old boy would want for Christmas?  (And please do NOT say a Wii!)