Lookalike?

Four people in the last month have proclaimed that I look just like Jane Fonda.  Three of those people prefaced their comment with, “I’m sure you hear this ALL the time, but…”  The other person whispered it loudly in the middle of the show.  For the record, I do NOT hear that all the time, and as long as it’s the young Jane Fonda we’re talking about, I’m quite thrilled.

I think it’s an improvement over Ally Sheedy, who people used to tell me I look like:

No offense Ally Sheedy, but you’re kind of morose.

…And that one drunk guy I waited on who told me I look like Monica Lewinsky.

I would assume that the Fonda comparisons are because of my shiny leotard and teased-to-the-clouds coif in the show, but the first man who declared me Fonda-esque said it to me before I’d adopted my “Cassie” look.

So I think I’ll stick with the hair-teasing thing, buy some legwarmers, and maybe look into becoming a global exercise maven-slash-Oscar winner.

We Finally Cleaned Up the Yard*, and Look What We Found Under the Weeds

I love Spring in Phoenix!

*Actually we paid someone to clean it up.  So worth it.

On My Mind

I took the helmet off at 2 a.m. last night.  I swear it’s already worked and his ears are nice and aligned now.  I really think he’ll only need to have it one more week.  My family kind of laughs it off when I say this, but I’M SERIOUS.

***

I wish I was one of those people who could recall meaningful literary quotes (or hell, even movie lines), and drop them into conversation at JUST the right time.

***

I am suddenly reminded that while writing is good and fine, the only way I can really express myself is through dancing, and Oh, how I long for a big empty room, and the catharsis that follows the leaping.

***

Tonight at dinner, Moo introduced a new song called “Brown and Stinky,” about… yes.  Which made us realize that we should really write a children’s musical about learning to go on on the potty.  Besides “Brown and Stinky,” there would be “Plink, Plonk!” “Stop Talking and Put On Your Pants,” “Don’t Hold It,” (with the chorus: “Pee and poopy don’t stay in your body, pee and poopy go in the potty!” and of course, an epic number called “The Pee Dance.”  I thought the show should simply be called, “Flush!” but Moo insisted that “Lots of People Always Have to Go Pee and Poop and So You Should Go” was a better choice.  And since she wants to be a directorator when she grows up (director dictator?), she probably knows best.

***

I wish I was 7 years old again, and felt comfortable twirling down the grocery store aisle when a good song comes on over the speakers.  (Although if Moo started twirling, I’d feel just fine following suit.)

***

I’m starting to think about my birthday, which makes me think about Jude’s birthday.  She was born eight days after me, and we usually celebrated together.    How can we remember her or honor her on her birthday this year?

***

Amidst all my helmet angst, I am very aware that My God I am lucky, thank you God, and please God, keep my family healthy?

***

And also, God, since we’re chatting – thank you for Rosalind.  I couldn’t possibly live without her.

Attached

What do you do with the dried-up umbilical cord once it’s fallen off the baby and left a cute little belly button behind?  Right now it’s wrapped up in a paper towel, sitting on the spice rack.  Herbie took a picture of it to commemorate its vital role in bringing Juicy to life.

It just seems wrong to throw it away.

Perhaps a little fresh pepper and umbilical cord on your pasta, sir?

Well-Wishers

I’m thinking about ceasing social niceties.  I think I get some leeway here in the last-ish month, and so when, for instance, the lady at Target says:

“Wow, you look like you were due yesterday!”

Instead of the response I made:  “Hahahahaha, it sure feels that way!”

I think I might just say, “Actually, no, I’m not due for another six weeks.”  And then I’ll revel in her awkwardness, and perhaps next time she’ll think before opening her flap. 

And when all the nurses at the dentist’s office rub my belly like I’m a freaking buddha statue, instead of gritting my teeth and suffering through it, I will say, “Please stop touching my body, right now.”

And when one of those nurses then looks at me and says, “So have you not been able to get your hair done, like this whole time?!”  Instead of running my hands nervously through my less-than-stellar hair and saying, “Hahahaha nooo, some people say you shouldn’t get your hair colored at all, but I’m just overdue for an appointment hahahaha,” I’ll just say, “Are you trying to tell me my hair looks terrible?”  And then I’ll stand there and stare at her as she mumbles awkwardly and slinks out the door.

I think I’ll really try this out today, if I can somehow manage it without teaching Moo bad manners.

I am just so sick of protecting thoughtless people’s feelings.  With the way I’m feeling lately, I’ve got plenty of awkwardness to spare – I think I’ll spread some of it around.

Craving

Rice Krispie treats, a la Mama and Moo:

Our baking philosophy:  Never overlook an opportunity to add sprinkles (and giant glops of chocolate).

Auf Wiedersehen, Heidi Klum

Speaking of Heidi Klum, I just learned she’s come out with a maternity line for A Pea in the Pod.  Let’s take a look-see at what she’s come up with…

For the pregnant flamenco dancer!  (I love how they couldn’t quite be bothered to iron the entire dress.)

If you have a needle and thread and a hospital gown, I’m pretty sure you could make this yourself for much less than $88.00.

For the pregnant dominatrix who really needs to keep the money coming in:

Now this is something that might actually tempt me to try it on, because I am a sucker for leopard print.  And then I’ll wrestle it on in the dressing room, look in the mirror and remember that I am not a size zero Heidi Klum lookalike model wearing a fake pregnant belly.

And if I did buy that $78 leopard-print t-shirt, what would I wear it with?  Leggings?  I haven’t done the whole legging thing yet, I still have too many leftover legging nightmares from 7th grade (“Is my Esprit knockoff sweater too short?  Are my leggings sagging??  Can everybody see my crotch?!!”).  Hey, I know!  Maybe I could wear a unitard!

Ah yes, that will be perfect.  And I’m sure it will be NO HASSLE AT ALL when I have to go to the bathroom 12 times per day.  Plus, so flattering!  My favorite part is the back view:

I guess I’m the only pregnant woman who gains weight anywhere besides around the baby?  No one else has that baby weight creep around to the backside and asswards?

Nice try, Klum.

Lost Fever

Shoot.  I should be writing about – oh, something.  Mothering, growing a baby, making your way in the world today with everything you’ve got – but all I can think about is alternate universes and the protective qualities of ash.  Should I circle our house with ash?  Perhaps it would creep-out potential robbers just enough so they’d leave us alone.  Oh, “Lost!”  I cannot stop thinking about it.  The castaways have thoroughly invaded my dreams, and of course, in these dreams I figure it alllll out and it makes perfect sense, until I sit up, poke Herbie and say, “But what about the one-eyed man?  Where does HE fit into all this?”

Herbie doesn’t like those moments very much.

I wonder why this show has such a hold on me.  First, I love a compelling story, and especially a compelling mystery.  I also love the thrill of being surprised (What?  We’re in the future???), and in our jaded, cynical world, true, thrilling surprises just don’t occur that often anymore.  To show surprise is to admit that you don’t already have all the facts, Jack, and nowadays, everybody knows everything about everything, right? 

I also love the themes of “Lost.”  Science vs. faith, destiny vs. free will, that ol’ reliable theme of good vs. evil, not to mention redemption.  No, I haven’t blown my up my father, or driven him back to drinking, or had a conman strangle him to death – in fact I love my dad very much.  But certainly we all feel ourselves walking the line every day.  Making choices to keep us from needing to seek redemption, whew.  And maybe even knowing, deep down, that we do need to seek redemption – for not trying hard enough, for taking the easy way out, for cursing out that driver while your toddler listens in the backseat…

I also really love Sawyer’s Glare of Death and Gaze of Intensity, which are even more powerful and deadly when delivered shirtless.

Then there’s all the little niggling things, like - why the heck is the island under water?  Can a nuclear bomb sink an island?  Was Desmond wearing a wedding ring?  Was Jin NOT wearing a wedding ring?  Is Jacob good and Man in Black/Smokey/Locke (Smocke?) evil, or is it not that simple?  Would I pee my pants if Smocke bellowed “I am very disappointed in you!” at me?  Yes, yes I would.  Would I just run right out into the ocean and hope to get eaten by a Dharma shark rather than face the inevitable horrors on the island?  Yes, yes I would.  But in watching, thinking about, and dreaming about the show, I get to be as badass as Kate (and as skinny!), as determined as Jack, as faithful as Locke (but hopefully not as naive), as loyal as Desmond, as brave as Charlie, as bold as Sawyer…

Man this show rocks.

Lost Nerd

I have a confession – I am a big time “Lost” geek.  You’ve heard of the show, yes?  Redemption-seeking castaways time-traveling on an apeshit crazy island filled with polar bears, ageless wonders, and peanut butter?  Yes, that one.  I LOVE it.  I peruse message boards, I study all the online games and clues, I read this guy - and he’s totally cuckoo.  When an episode ends, I launch myself onto the laptop, clicking away furiously.  Sometimes Herbie futilely attempts to communicate with me, before shaking his head and sighing, “Well – guess I’ll see you in the morning…”  But then I will pounce on him while he’s trying to sleep with all sorts of fascinating tidbits, like, “Do you want to know what it says on Jacob’s tapestry?  Did you know that if you freeze the screen at exactly 42 minutes you can see an image of Jack’s dad peeking out from behind a palm tree?  Did you know that the picture hanging in Jack’s apartment is the SAME as the one hanging in Sun’s dad’s office?  DID YOU KNOW THAT???”  Sometimes I get his attention.  Sometimes he just groans and rolls over.

Lost premieres Tuesday night.  It’s the final season, oh *SOB* – but I am just freaking out of my mind excited.  I am prepared to have my mind blown to kingdom come.  There is a part of me that worries that the show cannot possibly reach my high expectations, but-but-but – this is Lost.  It has never disappointed me.  (Okay, except for that one episode where Locke wanders around half-naked the whole time and hangs out in a sweat lodge.  But  I just pretend that one doesn’t exist.)

I had a dream last night that I was sleeping peacefully when suddenly I heard a women’s computer-like voice say, “RESET.”  At least I think it was a dream – it didn’t seem like a dream except that when I “woke up” I was sleeping on the other side of the bed…  Anyway, it completely freaked me out and led to a whole series of more and more terrifying nightmares, until finally I screamed and Herbie woke me up and cuddled with me the rest of the night.  But at the time, I was convinced that we were being watched by a nefarious group (possibly alien) who had already somehow scanned into our brains and were, at the very moment I heard the woman’s voice, rebooting our systems. 

Herbie contends that perhaps I should lay off reading about Lost for a little while.  Hmm.

My Top 5 Lost Moments:

1.  Arguing endlessly with Herbie as to whether Charlie’s sacrificial death was completely unnecessary or not.  (Herbie says he did not have to slam the door to save Desmond – they both could have escaped.  I contend that it is beside the point – Charlie believed he was saving Desmond and sacrificing himself to save Claire and Aaron.  Whether that was a pointless sacrifice remains to be seen – oh I hope not!)

2.   The master class of acting that took place in “The Life and Death of Jeramy Bentham,” when Ben first rescues and then murders Locke.

3.  Mr. Eko’s face-off with the Smoke Monster – especially going back and seeing all those ghostly images in the smoke as Smokey seemingly “scanned” Eko’s memory.

4.  Sawyer’s whole character arc in Season 5, culminating in the heart-breaking goodbye between him and Juliet, right before she plunged down the…hatch-hole-thingy.  I cry every time.

5.  Basically any scene involving Desmond and Penny, especially their phone call on the freighter ship and Penny’s promise to find him, and then that promise fulfilled on the rescue ship, complete with romantic reunion kiss.  Oh, and I also love when Desmond saves his family and beats the shit out of Ben.  I pretty much love any time Ben gets his ass kicked.  I have a feeling there’s going to be more of that this season, too.

So – any other nerds out there?

Practicing Safe Coverage

Is it just me, or is the cast of Glee frolicking with giant condoms?