Why Do They Even Have Shows on Thursdays?

We had maybe 44 people in the audience, and after the intermission – about 35.  Ouch.

The show went – fine, I guess.  For the first time, it felt more like a job (drive, get dressed, la la la, go home) than a fantastic adventure.  Bound to happen, I suppose.  I suspect my stage lethargy (which I tried to shake off by jumping up and down repeatedly in the wings, which only gave me a headache) is partly due to my immune system furiously fighting off Moo’s cold germs, in which I have been marinating all week.  So far, my two-day hiatus plus lots of echinacea is doing the trick, but I am definitely lacking some pep, as my mom might say.  Gotta pep it up for this weekend’s shows, because rumor has it a Critic (from where? Who cares!  It’s a CRITIC!) and the Arizoni adjudicators might be attending sometime this weekend.

There are lots of rumors floating about, actually – whozee hooked up with so-and-so, whazzername is suchabitch!, OMG, That Guy is totally just pretending to be gay.  My favorite piece of gossip was when our Fred was running around frantically pre-show trying to find his misisng tights.  “He should just forget the tights,” said our lighting designer.  “Go naked.  He looks like he’s got nice legs.  Like, not scrawny little chicken legs.”  Then she made us swear not to tell him she said that.  The Blog Gods do not recognize such promises!  Your naked calf fetish has been exposed to all the world, haha!

But more than gossip, the talk amongst the cast consisted mostly of the Next Show.  Auditions, auditions – what’s coming up?  What’s next?  I thought I’d take off the entire month of December, but I checked, and I didn’t include anything about holiday vacations in my Quest Rules.  Oops.  This means I have two auditions I could potentially attend one day after our show closes.  No Sleep For You!  I thought I would only be interested in musicals, but these two shows peaked my interest:

Desert Foothills Theater, “Last of the Red Hot Lovers,” by Neil Simon.  Show Synopsis:  “Barney Cashman has been a faithful husband to his wife for 23 years. But it is 1970, a time of sweeping change, and Barney dreams of one glorious extra-marital affair before life and the sexual revolution pass him by. So, he decides to secretly use his mother’s apartment (while she is at work), to rendezvous with his potential love conquest. On three different afternoons, Barney tries desperately to seduce three singularly odd women. He is determined to triumph, but will he ever succeed at sinning?”  Ooh, sounds fun!  And, let’s face it, I am singularly odd.  But how would Herbie feel about this?  And how would I feel acting sexy-cozy with someone so Not Herbie?  We haven’t discussed this actorly issue at all.  Now might be the time…

Theater 4301, “My First Time,” by Ken Davenport.  Show Synopsis:  “My First Time is a documentary-style theatre piece in the style of The Vagina Monologues featuring true stories about first sexual experiences submitted online from people all over the world. The stories are sweet, funny, tragic, absurd, heterosexual, homosexual, young, old, and everything in between. While obviously MY FIRST TIME deals with some adult subject matter, My First Time is not a “sex show”, but rather a study of this intimate moment in almost every human being’s life.”  Intriguing!  And probably something I wouldn’t want my mom to come see…

Roadblocks:  Both auditions require a headshot and resume – I don’t have either of those, but hey, at least now I have something to put on my resume!  Also, I would have to perform a monologue.  Don’t have one of those, either.  And the only thing scarier than singing in front of strangers is trying to act to a blank spot over the heads of strangers who are judging, judging, judging.

Guess I’d better dig out all my old monologue books.  Oh no, this means I might have to go into my office.  I’ve been trying to pretend it doesn’t exist.  But!  Lest you think I achieved nothing during my blog hiatus, I did succeed in packing up all the Halloween decorations, AND our new oven and microwave will be delivered next Tuesday, just in time to make pumpkin chocolate chip bars.  Success!